But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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