dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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