allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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