Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
