glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
