I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I lost the right to judge tonight
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
