The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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