Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i believe in u and ur pee
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