we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
