i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Life is so much better after having sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
