Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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