one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
