you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
