I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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