so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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