The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
