I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's official drugs can't kill me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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