she woke up with a sticky ear
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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