Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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