dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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