Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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