can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
