So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
