So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Plan B is the new Plan A
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
