all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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