You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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