real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
