His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sponge bath it is.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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