I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize