I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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