did you get engaged???
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
