I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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