I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
