Already got asked if we're dating
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
