I got chris browned last night
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
