She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
