yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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