my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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