gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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