K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize