I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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