Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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