he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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