So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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