Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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