Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drake has all the answers
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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