you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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