Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
