woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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