I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
