Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hippo gnu deer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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