Too much gin, very little bucket
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just googled if crying burns calories
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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