i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
