I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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