I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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