And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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