i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
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He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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