Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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