Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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