He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
