why didn't you poke me back
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
there is puke in my bra ... again
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
