I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
