So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
