So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
