I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
did you just send me my own nude
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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