Non-Jews are for practice
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
