I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
