We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
