Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
