Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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