So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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