Got a toothbrush?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
