and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
