im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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