I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
