I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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