just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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