Already got asked if we're dating
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
