lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
